How to Get Kicked Out Of Your Own House

Well, where to begin with this blog post…

The last 7 days have been hectic to say the least. If you know me then you know that I have recently moved from my totally awesome house opposite on Salmon Grove to a smaller, less comfortable house on Cranbrook Avenue.

Most people living on Cranbrook avenue probabaly do not have a problem with their current living conditions, but when you’re given temporary accommodation in a house which is half the size of your previous house, you cannot help but feel a little disheartened.

So instead of acting like a whiny, yet slightly more attractive version of Brad Pitt, I made a 6 step guide on how you too can get kicked out of your own house.

N.B. This guide is absolutely free for all to use, however, if you would like to make a cash donation then I would be more than happy to accept it.

  1. Acquire a lunatic housemate.
  2. Have newly housemate start demonically mumbling loudly to himself during random times of the day and leaving the kitchen a mess.
  3. Move from demonic mumbling to demonic screaming from 2AM-8AM on a constant basis for a duration of 2 weeks. However, be warned, the longer this process takes the greater the chance of you developing an urge to break newly acquired housemate’s face will be.
  4. Proceed to allow lunatic housemate to bring suspected drugs dealers outside the house, and smoke inside the house.
  5. Complain to accommodation, realise that they will not be able to take any action, despite crazy housemate not being registered to the university.
  6. Leave, along with the rest of the housemates who are living with you, granting previously acquired housemate the entire house to himself.

That’s all for now. I will more than likely be moving house again within the next few weeks. Apparently Taylor Court is on the cards. I don’t know if I quite fancy that. I love expanding my social circle though, who knows what life has planned for me. Maybe I will meet some awesome people, and look back on this blog post and smile. But that is another story for another day, right now, I have assessed coursework to get on with.

One thought on “How to Get Kicked Out Of Your Own House

  1. This guide not only changed my life for the better, but inspired me to hopefully one day get kicked out of my house using your methods, alas for now I can only dream…


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